A new beginning...

Hari ini aku mulai membaca lagi beberapa postingan terdahulu.
Ironis.
Tapi tidak ingin dihapus...

So, where should I start this new story?

Let's begin with my career now.
Jadi tahun ini, aku berlokasi di Palangka Raya, kota yang biasa disinggahi semalam saat mudik lebaran bersama keluarga. Kenapa?

Karena aku diterima jadi PNS di sini :)
I pass this test. Tanpa uang, tanpa koneksi apapun. Murni, lucky. :) Mungkin ini semua karena doa-doa orang-orang baik yang masih sayang sama aku :)

Mulai april pula, aku akhirnya bisa ngerasain yang namanya tinggal sendiri. Berat kadang, cuma kesepian masih bisa dibunuh dengan mengaji. :)

But, that wasn't the best part after all.

Sempat tertipu dengan pemuda alim yang ternyata,,oh my...

I'm finally realize... god, always give me what I need... not that I want...

Then I had a deep thought... there's a man...that brave enough to propose me, when we're still studying in college. But less than a year, we broke up, I broke...him.
Just because... I can't control my weakness... and I'm not brave enough to tell what I want... I'm just run away.

That's why Reno... I always said... with you, It's like a dream... because in reality, I adore him... more than I like you...

He always there... no matter what,, sometimes I mad at him... but, He's,,,,He's never give up...
His friends maybe told him to forget me... but, I don't think he did it clearly.
When my heart tried to be honest,,,he suggested that I should forget about my feeling...never let it grew..
Sometimes I said and want to threw his ring away.. but I can't... to be honest, my heart won't let it go..
I can give your ring back, Reno... but not his..

So, when I decided to give all my heart for him...
That's kind of funny... less then a year.. and I don't know about him very well...
We have few... or maybe more... kesukaan yang sama..
Aku baru tau kalau ternyata dia suka Bigbang.. Drama Jepang...

Bodohnya aku...
Melepaskan seseorang yang mungkin lebih sedikit membuat menangis...
atau malah...melupakan diri sendiri...

And I knew...this is too fast... but I always do something stubborn and rush..
I met his family... something that I didn't do when we are in relationship.. back then
He met my mother and brother...

Tapi yang terpenting adalah... aku nggak pengen menyesal.. karena sudah putus dulu
Well, word like " Seandainya aku ketemu kamu duluan,,, atau seandainya...seandainya..."

THAT WAS A BULLSHIT!

Takdir itu pilihan. Kita bisa memilih apapun tanpa harus menyesalinya. Karena jika sudah takdir,,kemanapun.. sesalah apapun kita merasa... akhirnya akan kembali ke jalur yang benar :)

Btw, Reno....deep in my heart, aku sangat bersyukur kalau kamu orang yang sangat tidak bertanggungbjawab. Dan memaksaku untuk memikiran orang yang yang kucintai sekarang...

:)